Ungrateful" or Just Overwhelmed? Rethinking Gift Reactions at Christmas
- theplayfulpsychologist
- 6 days ago
- 3 min read
By Emily Hanlon
Christmas morning. Wrapping paper flies, giggles echo through the house, and then... "This gift SUCKS!" your child blurts out.
Ouch.
Right in front of the in-laws, too. Cue the awkward silence.
But what if I told you that this wasn’t rudeness or ingratitude? What if it was disappointment?
The build-up to holidays like Christmas is intense. From advent calendars and Santa wish lists to sparkly decorations and presents under the tree... the hype is real.
As adults, we often feel pressure to recreate a magical holiday season. Social media fuels the pressure, presenting perfectly curated images of festive joy. But the truth is, when reality doesn’t live up to the emotional build-up, disappointment sets in.
And our kids feel that gap even more intensely. They don’t have the experience or maturity to process emotional contrast in the same way adults do.
It’s Not Ingratitude, It’s Emotional Overload
Children’s brains are still developing, particularly in the areas responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control. A child who blurts out their disappointment isn’t being disrespectful, they’re being honest. And often, they’re overwhelmed.
A couple of years back, my then-three-year-old asked to pause gift opening halfway through. Not because he was bored. But because he was overstimulated. He needed a break... a moment to regulate.
These moments aren’t unusual. In fact, they’re entirely developmentally appropriate. The trouble comes when adults misread the behaviour as bad manners or poor upbringing.
Understanding Gratitude as a Learned Skill
We often expect children to show gratitude on demand. But let’s be honest, how many adults open an unwanted gift with genuine enthusiasm? Gratitude isn’t automatic. It’s a skill, and like any other skill, it needs to be taught, modelled, and practiced over time. This doesn’t mean we let our kids say rude things without correction. It means we respond with understanding, not shame. For example:
"It sounds like you were hoping for something else. It’s okay to feel disappointed, but let’s also say thank you."
"I know it’s hard when things don’t go the way we expected. Let’s take a break and talk about it."
These are opportunities to teach emotional intelligence, not discipline disrespect.
How to Prepare Kids for Gift-Giving Moments
Here are some proactive ways to support kids:
Talk about feelings ahead of time: Explain that we don’t always get exactly what we hope for, and that it’s okay to feel mixed emotions.
Role play gift receiving: Practise phrases like “Thank you!” or “That’s so thoughtful!” even when the gift isn’t perfect.
Acknowledge the overwhelm: Let them know it’s okay to take breaks. The chaos of gift opening isn’t enjoyable for every child.
Validate their experience: "It’s okay to feel a little let down. I feel that sometimes too."
Supporting Yourself in the Process
Let’s not pretend it doesn’t sting when your kid criticises the gift you worked hard to get.
We want our efforts to be appreciated. We want to feel seen. But here’s the thing: your child’s emotional regulation isn’t a reflection of your effort. It’s a reflection of their development.
Your worth as a parent is not measured by how enthusiastically your child opens a present. You’re doing an incredible job by showing up, learning, and holding space for big feelings.
This season, let’s shift the narrative. Instead of demanding immediate gratitude, let’s build it, moment by moment, experience by experience.
It’s not about perfect behaviour. It’s about growing emotionally resilient humans.
Looking for more insights like this? Join The Family Forum, a warm, supportive membership where we unpack child behaviour, share evidence-based tools, and build emotional resilience together.
