Attachment and Daycare: Can Children Still Thrive in Childcare Settings?

By Emily Hanlon

Wondering if daycare harms your child’s attachment? A clinical psychologist (and mum of 3) breaks down the research, busts myths, and shares 5 practical ways to foster secure attachment while using childcare.

Understanding the Daycare Debate

As a child and adolescent clinical psychologist and founder of The Playful Psychologist, I’ve had the privilege of working closely with countless families navigating the early years of parenthood. As a mother of three, I’ve also personally faced the complexities and societal pressures that come with decisions around childcare; especially the often emotionally charged choice to use daycare.

For years, the role of daycare in early childhood development has sparked passionate debate. Critics have claimed that enrolling children in daycare before the age of three could cause irreversible stress and weaken attachment bonds with primary caregivers.

But the reality? This fear isn't always rooted in developmental science; it’s deeply tied to broader conversations about gender roles, working parents, and shifting cultural expectations.

Attachment Theory and Childcare: What the Research Says

To explore this topic meaningfully, we need to revisit attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 20th century. Their research fundamentally changed our understanding of child development.

They found that secure attachment is built on consistent emotional responsiveness, not just physical presence. In fact, many of their foundational studies observed children in a variety of caregiving environments, including daycare. What matters most isn’t whether a parent stays home or uses childcare, it’s how attuned and emotionally available they are when they’re with their child.

Debunking the Myth: Does Daycare Harm Attachment?

Let’s put this plainly: daycare, in and of itself, does not harm attachment.

What does affect emotional development are factors like:

• The quality of the daycare environment

• The child’s temperament

• The nature of the parent-child relationship

Research consistently shows that children can thrive in daycare settings when:

• They receive sensitive, responsive care

• There’s continuity between home and daycare

• Parents remain emotionally available and engaged

So while the internet may be flooded with bold (and often guilt-inducing) claims, the truth is more nuanced. Daycare is just one piece of a child’s developmental puzzle.

A Personal Perspective: A Psychologist and Mum’s Take on Daycare

I’ve lived both the clinical theory and the lived experience.

As a mum, I’ve felt the sting of judgment and the heaviness of guilt that sometimes comes with the decision to send your child to daycare; especially when it’s before they turn one. I’ve heard the “Well, we all have different values” retorts. I’ve read the viral posts about “irreversible stress” caused by early separation.

All three of my kids started daycare at 10/11 months of age. These decisions weren’t made lightly, but they were made in full alignment with what our family needed, and what was best for each child in context.

5 Ways to Support Secure Attachment While Using Daycare

Whether you're a working parent by choice or necessity, here are five simple but powerful ways to foster secure attachment, even if your child attends daycare:

1. Start the Day with Morning Connection: Begin the day with a moment of closeness. A short snuggle, a shared book, or simply lying next to your child in bed can offer reassurance before the transition to daycare.

2. Create a Special Goodbye Ritual: A consistent goodbye, like a secret handshake, a silly phrase, or a special wave, can help your child feel more secure and loved as you part ways.

3. Unwind Together After Daycare: When you reunite, give your child 10–15 minutes of undivided attention. Let them lead the play and use this time to reconnect, even if the day’s been long.

4. Make Mealtimes Matter: Turn dinner into a time for active listening. Ask open-ended questions about their day, and really hear their answers. It shows them they matter.

5. End the Day with Bedtime Bonding" Wind down with a calming bedtime routine; perhaps a warm bath, quiet chat, gentle music, or a familiar bedtime story. It helps children feel safe and grounded before sleep.

What Secure Attachment Really Looks Like

A quick but important note: secure attachment doesn’t mean your child never feels anxious or upset. Children can be securely attached and still show anxiety at drop-off, or be clingy during transitions. These are normal reactions, not red flags. What matters most is your consistency, your comfort, and your responsiveness. Secure attachment is not about being perfect, it’s about being present in meaningful ways.

Connection Is the Cornerstone

At the end of the day, it's not about whether you use daycare or stay home, it's about the quality of the relationship you build with your child. If you show up with presence, compassion, and consistency, your child can (and likely will) develop a strong, secure attachment, daycare or not.

So, however your family navigates early childhood, remember: you are not failing your child by working, or by choosing daycare. You’re showing them that love can look many different ways.

Have you navigated daycare and attachment in your own parenting journey? Share your story or ask a question in the comments, I’d love to hear from you.

Or follow me over at @ThePlayfulPsychologist for more evidence-based tips on parenting, child development, and emotional wellbeing.