What ADHD in Females Really Looks Like: Understanding the Missed Signs and How to Get Support

By Emily Hanlon

When most people think of ADHD, they picture a hyperactive young boy bouncing around a classroom. But what if ADHD looked more like quiet perfectionism, emotional overwhelm, or chronic burnout? For countless women and girls, that’s exactly what it is, and it’s why so many go undiagnosed for years.

Understanding ADHD in females means expanding beyond the traditional narrative and finally giving language to lived experiences that have long been misunderstood or dismissed. This article unpacks what ADHD actually looks like in women and girls, why it’s often missed, and how to seek support that validates rather than pathologises.

What is ADHD in Females?

ADHD in females can look dramatically different to the symptoms most people recognise. While the core features: challenges with attention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, are still present, they often show up in ways that are more internal, subtle, and socially masked.

Historically, ADHD has been studied and diagnosed based on male presentations. This has left many women, girls, and gender-diverse individuals without accurate identification or support. Instead, they are often misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or personality disorders, while the root cause goes unrecognised.

A neuro and gender affirming approach to ADHD means recognising these gender biases, validating them, and offering support that aligns with a person's lived experience rather than trying to “fix” them.

The Real-World Presentation: What It Looks Like Day-to-Day

ADHD in females often flies under the radar because it presents in ways that are less disruptive but no less distressing. Some common signs include:

1. Emotional dysregulation: Big emotions are hard to contain, and the highs and lows can feel overwhelming. Rejection sensitivity is common, where even minor feedback feels crushing.

2. Chronic overwhelm and executive fatigue: Even basic tasks like replying to messages or starting assignments can feel mentally paralysing. This is often mistaken for laziness or avoidance.

3. Perfectionism and overcompensation: Many girls and women with ADHD become people-pleasers and high-achievers. They work harder to hide their struggles, which can mask the underlying challenges.

4. Social masking and burnout: Masking involves consciously or unconsciously hiding ADHD traits to “fit in” socially or professionally. Over time, this leads to intense burnout.

   
   

These experiences often begin in childhood but become more noticeable in adolescence and adulthood, especially when structure and external support decrease.

Why It’s So Commonly Missed (and the Cost of That)

Girls are more likely to internalise symptoms, meaning instead of acting out, they withdraw, become anxious, or try to "be good". Because their struggles don't cause disruption, they’re often overlooked by teachers, parents, and even health professionals.

In adulthood, the pressures of managing careers, households, and relationships while silently battling executive dysfunction leads many women to seek help, often for anxiety or depression.

ADHD is uncovered only after years of missed opportunities for early support.

The cost of late or missed diagnosis is significant: poor self-esteem, burnout, strained relationships, and underachievement are all common. But with the right understanding, things can change.

The Role of Affirming Support

Neuroaffirming psychology recognises that neurodivergent brains are not broken, they are simply wired differently. The goal is not to "correct" someone with ADHD but to support them in understanding their strengths, managing challenges, and advocating for their needs.

Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or psychologist, this shift in thinking is essential. Validating the lived experiences of women and girls with ADHD creates space for healing, identity formation, and genuine self-acceptance.

Tools like play-based therapy, emotional regulation strategies, and trauma-informed approaches can be transformative, especially when they’re tailored with a gender-informed lens.

A Supportive Next Step: Join the Workshop

If this blog feels like it’s describing you, or someone you support, you’re not alone. And there is support that gets it.

That’s exactly why I created the ADHD in Females Workshop, now available at an introductory price. It’s an affirming, gender-responsive space that dives deep into the signs, strategies, and support structures that actually work for women and girls with ADHD.

Whether you’re a parent, clinician, teacher or someone exploring your own diagnosis, this workshop will leave you feeling seen, informed, and empowered.

Learn more and sign up here: ADHD in Females Workshop – The Playful Psychologist

The more we talk about ADHD in females, the more we can dismantle outdated assumptions and open up new pathways to healing. This is not about fitting into a box, it’s about understanding your brain, your needs, and your worth.